I love you dearly, and not a second goes by where I don’t think how lucky I am to be your Mummy.
You really know how to push my patience to the end of the line, to the point where I could literally pull my own hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. Every time you throw a tantrum/hissy fit in public you know Mummy can’t do much about it. There is no step to sit you on for 3 minutes silence nor can I take away your tablet as punishment as we don’t have it with us.
You know that if you hang on my arm as we are walking, that I will just have to pull you along! You will bounce away on your little feet and try your hardest to wriggle your tiny little fingers out of my grip as I try to hold your hand as we walk. But I will not give in, no matter how many times you fall on the floor on purpose, or if you tell me that my grip is hurting you. You see, my dearest little boy, you are only 3 and If I let you walk along on your own it could be dangerous. Yet, you don’t understand danger just yet as you are so young. Your answer to everything at the moment is Why?
You know how to wind Mummy up by rolling around on the train floor, even though I have asked you nicely to sit still on the seat. As you roll over other people’s feet, I see your cheeky little face looking at me with that twinkle in your eye. I apologise to the passengers. But they just look at me rolling their eyes. I know what they’re thinking, obviously I can not control my child. And I can’t! I’ve tried to hug you to stop, I’ve tried to take your mind away from misbehaving on purpose by playing games with you, but you are bored and tired and at 3 years old you find it hard to control your feelings. I find the best thing to do is to ignore you. This seems to work as you get up and come and sit next to me. Another thing you do on the train is to stand up on the seat and shout. I’ve noticed that you don’t do this when it’s just you and I on our own, so I know it’s just to get my attention away from your siblings.
Why do you have to hold in your urine until the point that you wet yourself? I have asked you a number of times if you want to go to the toilet but you just say ‘No’. I know what the sign is now, you see I can see you knocking your knees together. I know why you can’t sit still. It drives me mad. I feel like I am stuck on a roundabout, going round and round. I’m sick of washing four lots of clothes and bedding every day. You know what you are doing, as you wouldn’t laugh at me when you tell me that you have had an accident.
Why do you have to hit out at me when I tell you off for doing something wrong, these melt downs can last up to 10 minutes and it’s hard work. It upsets me and you make me cry. Your only 3 but your kick can really hurt. It’s not just me that you hit, it’s your brothers too. They let you do it but I can see in their eyes that they have had enough. I know your tired. Why don’t you just tell me that you want to sleep, I will hold you in my arms and cradle you until your eyes close. I will hold you there until you’ve had a rest. But please, stop with the hitting and kicking. Close your eyes and give in.
Where does all your energy come from? You’re so little but you have an abundance of drive. I believe you could run the marathon and still have tons of energy left.
You make me feel like a failed mother. I struggle to control you and your temper. I guess I have failed.
I hug you every night to sleep. I kiss you every morning as you wake. I wipe away your tears when you are upset. I teach you new things every day. I try my best to be a good Mum.
You are not my first-born, you are my third! So I have been here before but just not like this. This type of behaviour is new to me.
NO matter how far you push me, I vow to be the Mummy that you need. I will always be here for you, but please meet me half way.
Love your tired out Mummy