My Fear of Driving

For those of you that know me would have read my previous post from last year about my fear of driving and how i dread the time when i have to sit in the drivers seat and drive the car.

If i know that i am going to have to drive somewhere i will not sleep and i have to work out my route in my head which obviously winds me up to a point that when it comes to the time that i have to drive the car I am in such a state, I can’t breathe, I shake and end up having a panic attack.

Things that run through my head prior to driving:

  • The route that i need to take to get to my destination, making sure that i don’t have to drive up hills, near big round a bouts, down slim roads and that there isn’t many buses on the route.
  • What to bring in the car to keep the children entertained so they don’t end up disturbing me whilst driving
  • What would happen if i have an accident
  • Where all of the buttons and gadgets are in the car
  • How i’m meant to park the car
  • What if i don’t drive at the correct speed that other drivers want me to drive at
  • What if i don’y pull away from the traffic lights quick enough
  • What if i stall the car

This year so far i have driven the car twice, once at 8am on a Sunday morning when it was really quiet to drop the eldest off to drama band call  and the other time was back from the local leisure centre, both times was only about 1.5 miles away.

Yesterday i received a phone call from the other half, he had cycled the long way home from work and had got a puncture and when he got out his spare he realised that it had a puncture too so he asked me to go and pick him up. The moment i heard those words, i felt sick! He was 11 miles away in a place called Theydon Bois, which i had no idea how to get to, It was 7.30pm in the evening, so i decided to wait a while until the traffic had died down. I packed the children into the car, got the Sat Nav ready for the route, took some of my Rescue Remedy and i was ready to go. As i sat in the drivers seat my legs began to shake, my throat was dry and my heart was pumping away so fast it felt like it was in my mouth. Whilst driving my hands were sweating so much that they kept slipping on the driving wheel and everytime i stopped and had to use my clutch to pull away my legs was shaking so much i couldn’t control it, I controlled my breathing by taking long deep breathes and tried not to panic. I managed to get to the pub where he was waiting in half hour, which wasn’t bad, as i pulled up in the car park and stopped the car, i took a deep breathe, i was shaking all over and my legs had gone numb, but i had made it in one piece!

I was really proud of myself and yes i did come to a lot of traffic lights, a lot hills, a lot of little round a bouts, not much traffic and a couple of country roads but i went at my own speed and i had the eldest in the car helping me with the directions as he was looking at the Sat Nav and shouting out what roads i had turn on to. The boys congratulated when we got there and told me that i drove well, bless them!

Apparently i didn’t have the air conditioning on properly and I didn’t park the car up straight enough in the car park but apart from that i encountered no other problems. The car has so many buttons all over it I have no idea what half of them do and what does it matter if the car is slightly wonky, we wasn’t staying there long anyway 🙂

As my trip didn’t go too bad you never know i may be taking a few more trips during the summer holidays, i would love to just get into the car without thinking about anything and take the children out for the day, visit my mum or even just to go shopping.

Watch this space!