There could be only one main New Years resolution for me and that would be to face my fear of driving! Although i have had my driving licence now for 3 years now i have probably only driven the car about 20 times, im not kidding i really do not go out in the car unless I’m a passenger! I blogged about my fear back in May 2012 and received some fabulous feedback, some words of encouragement and some from people who also suffer from the same as me. I thought it was just me that feared me hands on the steering wheel but it seems that there are many people out there that feel the same as me and go through hell as well when it comes to sitting in a driver’s seat. I look at other drivers whilst out walking or as a passenger in a car and watch them zipping in and out of traffic like they are on a racing track oozing with confidence. I don’t feel at ease with my car and definitely don’t feel like she is my best friend or that i would be lost without he, yes i call her ‘she’ but that’s not because i am close to her but probably because she emptied by bank account and cost a small fortune. People tell me that i shall become more comfortable in time once driving around a bit more and my confidence will grow but it seems to have gone the other way! I haven’t driven the car for about 3 months now and since buying the new car back in May I think i have only been in the driver’s seat a handful of times. I feel that the car is way too big for me and fear driving such a huge strong vehicle, you see we used to have a Peugeot estate but now we have a Ford Galaxy 7 seater and my fear is not only other drivers and having an accident but it is now that i may scratch it! My legs shake uncontrollably when i know i have to drive into a car park, the thought of finding a space big enough for me to manoeuvre the car in to haunts me. My throat becomes dry and my heart beats in a rapid tempo when i see traffic lights up ahead, i think about stalling the car so much that my leg shakes and it results in me stalling the car more than once and as i have been threatened before by some horrible men in a car for not pulling away quick enough i fear that my lack of acceleration may cause trouble.
I do want to drive and make my family proud of me, i want to pull up at football and let the eldest out and sit in comfort whilst watching him run around the pitch instead of getting wet in the rain, standing in the wind and shivering in the cold for an hour and a half, i want to visit my Mummy who lives 34 miles away (longest 34 miles of my life when im driving!) when i have a day off work with the children, i want to be able to go shopping and buy anything i want no matter the size or weight as i don’t have to think about how I’m going to get it home, I don’t want to sit in an over packed, smelly, rickety bus no more! I want to visit friends and family without thinking about my journey and working it out in my head how i’m going to get there without going over a hill, round a roundabout or hitting too many traffic lights!
Above all and the most important one is i want to be proud of myself for facing my fear and beating it, so this year 2013 i promise i will take more trips in the car even if they are small ones or just a drive around the block they will be done and hopefully by the summer i will be zipping around in my huge MPV oozing confidence and taking my family out on day trips (maybe i shouldn’t push it that far! lol) So if you see me on the road piddling along at a comfortable speed please don’t beep me for being too slow or call me names for not pulling away quick enough or threaten me for sitting at a junction waiting for a big enough space for me to pull out in, please think about what it has taken for me to get into the car and take my children out for a drive! It may be a slow process but it’s one i feel that it’s one that needs to be addressed!
What’s your New Years Resolution?
Thank you for reading my post, i shall update you all on my progress throughout the year