Living the nightmare

Last month was the cruelest month ever. My family and mine life was rocked with the worst possible news ever. News that you never think will happen to you. I was given the diagnosis of having a tumour. I am living in a nightmare. I keep thinking that I will wake up soon and everything will be back to normal. It just doesn’t seem real. It’s like having an outer body experience (only way I can describe it) Everything is moving, clocks are ticking, days are moving into weeks but my life seems to be staying still. I feel like I’m in a zone and struggling to coping with everything that is happening.

To be honest I feel like shit, but only mentally. As I am still fit and healthy, I’m exhausted but only emotionally.

I have experienced every emotion possible. My life has been an emoji. But as the days go on I am beginning to feel stronger about things. Yes, I do have those days where I worry and fret about my future, but I have here and now to get through.

Today was my first treatment day after having three weeks of test after test. It is going to be long. It is going to be gruelling. It is going to get tiring. It Is going to get better.

How do I feel?

Strong. Stronger than ever.

I have the biggest support from close family and friends, to that I am thankful. It has really got to me at times. I have cried and I have had a broken heart. I needed to get through that motion before becoming to the point that I am at now.

Before the diagnosis I was changing the families diet and this has just spurred us on even more to eat and drink healthier. I have been going out jogging daily and even managed to run in the Westminster Mile at the weekend with my boys.

Eating food high in alkaline, juicing every day, buying organic, keeping fit and taking supplement tablets may only be a placebo but it is certainly making me feel better about myself.

This Girl Can……


9 thoughts on “Living the nightmare

  1. Oh Ang, I’ve read this post a few times now and am torn between crying and wanting to squeeze you and say that you absolutely can beat this. Huge, huge hugs. I have a parcel here for you. Will hopefully get to the post office before we go on holiday but if not, it will be the week after xxx

  2. Have been thinking about you lots. Keep going lovely, you will kick this thing. Hope the treatment goes really wellxx

  3. You are fantastic for writing this and I’m in awe of you changing your mindset through this really difficult time. I personally know how hard, how IMPOSSIBLE it feels to cope and yet you are. I am sure others reading this post will feel very inspired by you. Much love xxx

  4. omg massive hugs to you hun!!!!!!! :S so sorry to read this but your sounding so strong and hope the treatment wont be to bad S: well done with the run hun saw the piccys xxxxx

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