Being diagnosed with cancer was hard to deal with but what made it hard for me was that I still had to be there for my children.
No matter how much pain I was going through
or how tired I got
or how upset I felt
I was still a Mum, a person who my children depended on
I still had to smile every day for the sake of my children, even though all I felt like doing was crying. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. I wanted to get angry but I couldn’t!
I was suffering but not in front of my boys. I cried on the inside. I tried hard to hide my feelings.
I was still the person they came to when they was upset or hurt
I was still the person who had to cook them dinner or read them their bedtime stories
Cancer didn’t take that from me. I was still a Mum
The one thing that went through my head was ‘Who is going to look after my children once I am gone?’ Who is going to wipe their tears from their eyes when they fall over and hurt themselves? Who is going to read to them at night? Who will be there for them when I can’t be?
Cancer treatment took all my energy, it left me tired and laid up in bed for days. There were days where I couldn’t move, days when all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and forget about everything. Pull the covers up over my head and lay there in the darkness of my own thoughts. But as a parent, you know that this is impossible. Children crave attention from their parents, they want to feel needed and loved.
My boys need for their Mum helped me find the fight that I needed to get through the toughest time of my life.
When my spirit was low, listening to my children play together lifted me up
I felt lonely, but I was not alone. I had the support of my family and friends, who constantly reminded me that I was going to fight this disease and come through the other end stronger than I entered it
Cancer has made us a stronger family unit.
I vowed that I would never be a victim but a survivor.
It was hard at first but with the help of my family I held onto my hopes and dreams and gathered the strength from around me to stay positive
I may have been diagnosed with Cancer, but I will not allow it to stop me from being a Mum