As I sit here in the waiting room
Memories come flooding back
Tears sting my eyes, as they fall onto my cheek bones
I spent too many hours here
Moments of dread
Fear
Not knowing
I’m waiting for my yearly scan
Since having the tumour removed last November I must have a CT scan once a year
The last one I had, I can not recollect
Back then there were so many days that seemed to run into one
I spent 7 weeks in hospital, being prodded and poked every day
Being wheeled, in my bed, downstairs into the radiology department and left in the corridor waiting for my name to be called
I remember being in so much pain, that with every movement of the trolley it ripped through me
I remember crying and praying that the scans would be clear
After having the tumour removed, I ran into complications and had to have a further operation
But still, weeks after that operation the doctors had no answers as to why I was still in pain and why the bowel was refusing to work
Scan after scan, but still no answer
Today, I sit here and the memories of my time there came flooding back
Feeling the fear again, trying to control my breathing
Telling myself that all will be well
That this time is different
Entering this hospital, takes me back to diagnosis time
The day a black cloud entered my world
Having scans is an anxious time, especially for cancer patients
It’s a time when you hold your breath, awaiting the news that you’re in the clear or that the tumour has shrunk or that you’re stable
After, sitting in the waiting room for an hour, I eventually get called in
With this scan I have to drink 4 glasses of water prior to the scan. Then a canula is put into a vein ready for the iodine to be flushed through my blood stream
This is a horrible experience, as the iodine runs through the system, I can feel my body heating up. I almost feel like I have wet myself
It always makes me feel very sick as I get that copper taste in my mouth
Within a few minutes it is all over
The experience maybe, But not the anxiety
Now I await the results
I now need to focus on positive things
I will not allow the anxiety to take over
I tell myself that all is in the past and I have a bright future
Sending love and hugs….I hope the results come back soon and they are fine! Thinking of you x
Sending you all my love. I know it’ll be fine, but I can’t imagine the anxiety and stomach churning you are going through waiting on these results. I hope they come soon xx