Confusion! What Am I Doing?

I had serious second thoughts this morning about whether or not i should carry on with my blog or not.

This weekend saw me leaving all three of the boys for the first time with their Daddy while i jumped onto a train and made my way to Britmums Live, the biggest blogging event of the year. I wasn’t sure what to expect as I had never attended one before, so even though i was nervous i was really looking forward to learning how I could take my blog to the next level, what these spiders are that are hiding in my blog and meeting lots of other bloggers. I couldn’t attend the first day on friday so saturday was my first day, I met up with fellow bloggers Lovefrommummy, Mummyadventure and thelifeandtimesoftheworkingmum at the station in the morning and off we travelled together to the event. Nervous wasn’t the word, I was very worried that i wouldn’t be accepted as a blogger as I am not as big as most of the others who was in attendance, I had already been sick that morning with the nerves and i was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in and that no one would talk to me so having Vicky, Laura and Bex by myside made it all feel slightly better. I am not a very confident person and although i might make jokes, I am secretly thinking to myself have i just said the right thing. I try to be funny to make up for the fact that I have a low esteem. Walking into the hub (main area) I felt like the new girl at school, the girl who no-one knew, i felt people looking at me trying to work out who i was. I found myself looking round desperately trying to catch the eye of others who i could talk to and hopefully strike up a new friendship with. On the odd occasion when i did stand within a group conversation, i just stood on the outside listening too scared to step into the conversation incase i just got ignored. When i did feel confident enough to introduce myself as mumofthreeboys I just got the ‘oh, yeah, Hmmmm’ obviously no one had heard of my small blog which made me feel even smaller than what i was! Not their fault at all, It’s all me! too scared to make myself known. Attending Britmums for me was all about the socializing, I wanted to put faces to blogs and voices to tweets unfortunately due to me being who I am and too frightened to approach others, who seemed way above me, I only actually talked to a few people. I wanted to learn more about SEO and gain some more knowledge of the blogging world, I attended the workshop: Beginning blogging, SEO tips and legal essentials which was very insightful, I took lots of notes and hopefully be putting what i learnt to the test over the next few weeks in my blog posts. I also sat in on the workshop about Pinterest as it was something that I am signed up to but would love to learn more about and the lovely Alice from Anessexwife was talking too so that kind of swayed it for me.

I would like to say that so much work and hardship went into planning such a huge event and i heard some inspiring, upsetting and brilliant words from some magnificent bloggers in the bloggers keynote session so why did i this morning wake up and feel not worthy to be at such event amongst some amazing powerful people, I don’t know! It’s something I can’t answer, however hard i look at it or think why am i feeling so low about my blog i come up with zilch, nada nothing! I’m not a writer nor have i ever claimed to be good at english, I don’t have many interesting things to say and i don’t really understand computers so now im feeling that maybe i shouldn’t blog at all. I know i will never have a huge following but we all like to feel liked every now and then, need people or something to make us feel special and that is what i was using my blog for but today i don’t feel special at all! So what am i going to do? First I turned to twitter and in my upset state i did what i would never normally do and showed a feeling, I tweeted out that i wasn’t sure what i was doing with my blog and didn’t expect any response at all but i was amazed at how many people replied with words of advice and pointed me back to my about me page where i stated that i started my blog for my children and as a diary of their lives, something for us all to look at and remember our days together. I somehow at some point lost why I started blogging in the first place, I felt like I strayed away from my comfort zone with my boys and got lost in a forest where I left the path to take a shortcut. I have spent all day with my boys and i spoke to them about the blog and they want me to carry on but I’m not going to change nor am i going to try to get more followers and try to drive more traffic to my blog because why would i want to do that when after all, mumofthreeboys is for me and me family!

Thank you to everyone who send me some words of wisdom today on twitter and thank you to my mummy for listening to me and guiding me out of the dark to see the light.

The reason why I blog

20 thoughts on “Confusion! What Am I Doing?

  1. OMG How did i miss this post? Angela, you and your blog are unique and you’re both bloody fantastic. It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of blogging stats, tots 100 scores, SEO etc. but remember the reason you started the blog in the first place. It’s your space to share your crazy life with three gorgeous boys and i’m sure they’ll love nothing more than looking back on all these wonderful memories you’ve collected for them one day in the future. Never give up on something that means so much to you and will do to them too! I LOVE your blog and YOU and YOUR THREE BOYS! xxxxxxxxx

    1. Aaw thank you so much Hun. It was such a bloody roller coster of a weekend with my emotions, that it finally got to the point when I thought ‘what am I doing’ I did for a while forget that I blog for the boys and Our happiness! I am so glad that I met you on Saturday otherwise I probably would have had no company and no one to go to Orlando with. Thank you x x

  2. I wish I’d have been there with you. Not only to keep you company but also to tell you how bloody brilliant you are. Your blog is an amazing, thoughtful insight in to your hectic life with your three gorgeous boys and they are going to be truly thankful that you’ve collected these wonderful memories for them (and kept us all entertained as well). xxx

  3. just remember why you started blogging in the first place, your blog is a lovely space for you to write about your family. Don’t give up, you would be very missed by your readers x

    1. Cheers hun, I never really thought anyone read my blog apart from my mummy ofcoarse. I kind of felt really small amongst some amazing bloggers on saturday, but that is just me being sensitive. I will not give up, I will carry on with my childrens journey x

  4. I’m sorry I missed your tweet earlier, but I’m now catching up with the blogs I follow on my reader and your lovely blog is one of them. I wish I could attend BritsMum, but because of little Man’s surgery I was unable to. Next year we could go together. I’m only a little fish too in the big blogging pond. I’m glad you are going to carry on writing as we all love reading your blog and keeping up with the mum of three boys – You! 🙂 x

  5. I think there is a space in the blogosphere for each and every blog. Not necessarily equally sized but nevertheless there is one. Blogging for happiness was such an important message for me from Britmums and your blog makes you happy. I love reading it and your boys will too x

    1. Thank you hun, I am going to carry on blogging for happiness and sod the stats, Tots100 scores pah! whats that lol x
      Thank you for letting me tag along with you guys x

  6. I’m not on the mummy blogger scene – as a 20-something blogger I tend to steer away from it if I’m honest. Yet I follow you on twitter and read you posts when you tweet them. Why? Because I like the way you write – I see you love fro your boys, your humour, and how genuine you are. Something that is lost with many of the “big” blogs out there. (although at over 1000 followers on twitter I wouldn’t call yourself small. This could be the first time I’ve commented, but I follow your blog and I’d be sad to see you close it down – so I’m glad you’re not going to. But please don’t feel like you’re not worthy of being in the blogging industry. As long as you have passion for life and are genuine you’ll see your blog build. And you will find that the fans you have are so much more loyal than many of the bigger ones. Enjoy the blogging life and don’t feel pressured. Glad you’re sticking around! x

    1. Thank you so much, that is such a nice thing to say as its something that i hope the boys will read when they are older and see the love i have for them. I enjoy writing about how happy the boys make me, I think i got stuck in the talk of how big you can make yourself by improving your following and i got a bit emotional and messed up. Writing the post helped me realise that the blog is for the children and i would miss writing about them if i was to stop x x

  7. I missed your original tweet but I really enjoy reading your blog, and hun I’m an even smaller blog than you so I totally understand those feelings. But my OH constantly reminds me that I write for me! I think it’s brilliant that you were able to be so honest x

  8. I would have been devasted if you stopped, I truly think of you as a good cyber friend, who cares that we’re not as popular as the biggy blogs, do you want the pressure of having to blog everyday? Just enjoy writing about your boys as we enjoy reading it

    1. Thank you hun, I see you as a good cyber friend too. No i dont want to be a big blog at all, i enjoy what i write and now understand that so what if no one reads at least i have enjoyed it x

  9. Do you know I think with or without these blogging conferences, we all go through this feeling of inadequacy! I was very close to deleting my blog a few weeks ago as I had got so worked up about stats and stuff and then I remembered why I started and those first few times that people actually read what I wrote. The important thing is that you enjoy it and get something out of it! It’s a shame I couldn’t come to britmums as I would have loved to have met you! Maybe next year! I like your blog and so do quite a few others I’ve no doubt!

    1. Thank you Nikki, I think it was a mixture of not being with the boys for the day and it was such a busy informative day that on sunday when my partner asked how the day went, i just started crying saying i was rubbish. And you right it wasnt just the conference that brought on my feelings, it was probably something that was already their in the back of my mind. x
      i’m glad you didnt delete your blog, your a lovely lady with a lovely blog x

  10. I’m glad you’ve had a change of heart. I love your blog and you would be missed. My blog is only small and I definitely feel like a little fish in a big pond, but hopefully my children will look back and appreciate my work.

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