Has it ever happened to you?
That moment when life just gets all too much and you sink to the floor with your head in your hands and ask yourself “Why me?”
I’m sure it has. It happens to the best of us. I’m sure no one out there, however much they like others to perceive them, struggle with day to day chores and life.
I’m definitely not a perfect mother, I swear, I shout and I certainly get stressed at times.
This week has been particularly hard for me. I have struggled with a bad headache, neighbours keeping us awake until early hours, a child that has coughed all night long. I’m not in a particularly good place at work at the moment and I have an
arsewhole unhelpful partner who is very selfish. On top of all that I have the boys to deal with daily, who seem to fight non stop. I am forever pulling them apart. I don’t understand as I was a very placid little girl, who wouldn’t say boo to a brick wall for the fear of it falling down. They boys are at it morning and night.
Today. I got that moment. That moment where I put my head in hands and said “Why me?” I sunk to the floor in the corner of the room as the younger boys were fighting around me, the older one upstairs shut away in his room and the other half having a lay down in bed as he was going out later on to training. And I cried. Yes I cried. In fact I sobbed. Did it help the situation? No. Did it make me feel better? Well, in a way yes, it did! No I didn’t feel any stronger and No no one came over placing that strong arm of support around my shoulders to tell me everything will be OK. But. I did feel like something had lifted from my shoulders, because sometimes we all need a little cry. Even the strongest of us.
There are days when I feel too stressed to even carry on and I just need a few moments to myself. It never happens in this house, mind you. I have been known to hide away in my bedroom, close the door and sit behind it, away from the squabbling and fighting and just take a deep breathe. For that moment I block out all of the noise and imagine a peaceful family.
I look at that perfect Mum down at the school, who comes to the school gates with a pristine haircut and dressed beautifully or that parent on social media who only ever seems to talk about the good times and how perfect their children and life is and I think, no scrub that, I know that they have the same thoughts as me. I’m certain that behind the closed doors they suffer with stress and Depression just as much as you and I do.
No one is perfect and no one runs an impeccable family. We all have our flaws.
I have a child that will not sleep at night without mummy by his side, that same child will not wake in they morning and is completely uncooperative. I struggle with being Mummy and Daddy. I wake every morning at 5:30 to do my mummy duties. I wake the boys up, get them ready for school and I then drop them off to breakfast club and make my own way to work. I finish work, collect my boys and then go home to my mummy chores for the evening. I don’t need to tell you what those chores are, I’m sure you all know.
The moment those boys go to sleep I am following not far behind.
I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally.
Today it got the better of me and today I cried. Not tears of sadness, as I wouldn’t change my family but tears of hope. Hope. That I will soon be able to cope and manage my stress. That I will find a balance.
After all I’m not losing it as I am normal and it the norm to have a cry and let it all out. I’m no superwoman, I’m just a Mummy.