To my little monster

As I look down at my little boy
Tears of sadness fills my eyes
For tomorrow I return to work
And it will be hard to say my goodbyes

I’m going to miss :
your cuddles
The way you hold my hand
The way you look at me when your trying something new
Your excitement when your enjoying yourself
Listening to you say new words
Spending every minute of the day with you
Watching you reach your milestones

Whose going to kiss your poorlies when you hurt your self?

I’m going to miss the way you say ‘mummy’ when you want me to look at you or your little ‘cuddles mummy’ when you are upset and tired

I’m going to miss the way you pull and twist my hair around your little fingers when you are tired

I’m going to miss the way you say ‘bobble’ when you want some milk to drink or ‘num num’ when you want to eat

I’m going to miss those big blue eyes smiling at me every second of the day and your excited nature when you are playing

I’m going to miss watching you play with your brothers and learning new things everyday

I’m going to miss the way you put your arms around my neck so tightly like your clinging on for your dear little life

But don’t worry my little one as it wont be for long
As it will soon be the weekend and I will be back where I belong
Right next to you, holding and kissing you
And we will have new adventures to look forward to

As I write this I look at you with pride
My heart aches with so much love for that no words could describe
You are pure perfection to me
Everything you do makes me very happy

You are my life, my present and most of all my future

My eyes are stinging and my heart is aching, I’m feeling empty already
But my love for you is strong and no time apart will change it

So please don’t cry for me in the morning
Please don’t shout Mummy as I walk away
Please don’t be upset my darling
As your days will be filled with play

And remember my heart stays with you when I am not there

Love you little man with all my heart

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No more SAHM for me

Ten years ago i worked as a sales administrator for a building firm, i loved my job i enjoyed getting up in the morning knowing that my day ahead would be an eventful one, every day was different and i got on so well with all my work colleagues. I always thought that nothing would stop me from working that was until the 4th Sepetember, that was the day that my eldest boy was born. All through out my pregnancy i was adamant I would be returning to work, I looked into finding the right nursery near to my work place, I didn’t believe that there was anything that could replace the buzz i got from working, the buzz of sealing a deal and getting praise from the boss.

I went into labour on the 4th September 2002 and my little Jak was born at 6:45 in that precise second that i caught a glimpse of him i knew there was no way on this earth i was going to be able to leave him, I instantly fell in love with him and just wanted to hold him and be close to him at all times. It was then that i realised i wouldn’t be returning to work. In the past ten years i have had 2 more children, all boys, who i love and cherish eternally, they are my world and i have enjoyed every minute of being a stay at home mummy but the time has come for me to do something for myself.

After volunteering for the past two years in the boys school i have been offered a part-time job there to be a teaching assistant in the nursery, I was somewhat gobsmacked when i was called into the head teachers office and was offered the role I thought i was in trouble at first especially when i got pulled to one side and asked to go with him to the office for a quiet word. I felt totally humbled that they had even thought of me as a possible person to recruit, of coarse i jumped at the chance and said yes.

So on the 4th September 2012 i return to work, ironic really that that is the date as 10 years ago it was then that i decided not to return to work.

I am looking forward to working with the children and helping them with particular subjects, it is something that i thoroughly enjoy doing. I am though slightly concerned with leaving Oliver, I know he is 13 months old and lots of women return to work after having a baby alot sooner but Oliver is very much a mummy’s boy and never leaves my side. He hangs around my legs all day long, follows me everywhere and cries when i exit the room. I have never left him for more than a few hours a week so i am not sure how he is going to react to me leaving him with a childminder for 20 hours. I am also feeling nervous about leaving him with someone i don’t fully know, i have met the lady a couple of times now and she does seem to be lovely and friendly enough and i am sure that they will both get on well with each other but i still worry.

I adore being at home with Oliver and enjoy doing drawings, playing and exploring with him and I like the feeling of having him close to me but i also think that it would be good for both of us, it will help him to learn how to interact with others and become less reliable on me. The job is only for term time so i get all of the holidays off and i as it is only part time i still get the afternoon to take him to the park or to attend the play groups with him.

So heres to the 4th September my eldest boy turns 10 into double figures, i return to work and It’s Oliver’s first day away from his mummy, wish us luck 🙂