Dear 3 year old

I love you dearly, and not a second goes by where I don’t think how lucky I am to be your Mummy.

BUT…………..

You really know how to push my patience to the end of the line, to the point where I could literally pull my own hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. Every time you throw a tantrum/hissy fit in public you know Mummy can’t do much about it. There is no step to sit you on for 3 minutes silence nor can I take away your tablet as punishment as we don’t have it with us.

You know that if you hang on my arm as we are walking, that I will just have to pull you along! You will bounce away on your little feet and try your hardest to wriggle your tiny little fingers out of my grip as I try to hold your hand as we walk. But I will not give in, no matter how many times you fall on the floor on purpose, or if you tell me that my grip is hurting you.  You see, my dearest little boy, you are only 3 and If I let you walk along on your own it could be dangerous. Yet, you don’t understand danger just yet as you are so young. Your answer to everything at the moment is Why?

You know how to wind Mummy up by rolling around on the train floor, even though I have asked you nicely to sit still on the seat. As you roll over other people’s feet, I see your cheeky little face looking at me with that twinkle in your eye. I apologise to the passengers. But they just look at me rolling their eyes. I know what they’re thinking, obviously I can not control my child. And I can’t! I’ve tried to hug you to stop, I’ve tried to take your mind away from misbehaving on purpose by playing games with you, but you are bored and tired and at 3 years old you find it hard to control your feelings. I find the best thing to do is to ignore you. This seems to work as you get up and come and sit next to me. Another thing you do on the train is to stand up on the seat and shout. I’ve noticed that you don’t do this when it’s just you and I on our own, so I know it’s just to get my attention away from your siblings.

Why do you have to hold in your urine until the point that you wet yourself? I have asked you a number of times if you want to go to the toilet but you just say ‘No’. I know what the sign is now, you see I can see you knocking your knees together. I know why you can’t sit still. It drives me mad. I feel like I am stuck on a roundabout, going round and round. I’m sick of washing four lots of clothes and bedding every day. You know what you are doing, as you wouldn’t laugh at me when you tell me that you have had an accident.

Why do you have to hit out at me when I tell you off for doing something wrong, these melt downs can last up to 10 minutes and it’s hard work. It upsets me and you make me cry. Your only 3 but your kick can really hurt. It’s not just me that you hit, it’s your brothers too. They let you do it but I can see in their eyes that they have had enough. I know your tired. Why don’t you just tell me that you want to sleep, I will hold you in my arms and cradle you until your eyes close. I will hold you there until you’ve had a rest. But please, stop with the hitting and kicking. Close your eyes and give in.

Where does all your energy come from? You’re so little but you have an abundance of drive. I believe you could run the marathon and still have tons of energy left.

You make me feel like a failed mother. I struggle to control you and your temper. I guess I have failed.

I hug you every night to sleep. I kiss you every morning as you wake. I wipe away your tears when you are upset. I teach you new things every day. I try my best to be a good Mum.

You are not my first-born, you are my third! So I have been here before but just not like this. This type of behaviour is new to me.

NO matter how far you push me, I vow to be the Mummy that you need. I will always be here for you, but please meet me half way.

Love your tired out Mummy

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Suddenly I felt love

As I lay here with my hand laid upon my sons chest, feeling his heart beat against my palm. My face snuggled into his arm, feeling the warmth of his skin against my cheek. A small salty tear drops from the corner of my eye onto my cheek. I do not cry for sadness but I cry for happiness and Love.

Looking back to when I was 24, I didn’t want children. Not that I didn’t like being around the little ones, I had plenty of nephew and nieces to give my love to but I was happy being on my own. I never dreamed of having one child let alone three. Now I have three lovely little boys I wouldn’t change it for the world. I never planned to be a Mum and when I found out that I was pregnant with my first, I was scared that I would never be able to look after and Love him like a Mother should do. I never understood what love was until I had my son.

I remember the first time I held him and that immense feeling I got as I looked down at his little screwed up face, as his little fingers searched for my hand and he grabbed tightly onto my finger. That moment will be etched into my heart forever. I suddenly felt like my heart was going to explode, It was like a magnet was drawing me into him. I couldn’t stop looking at him and knew from that moment that my life had changed and it would never be the same again. I felt love, I felt belonged, I was excited for what was to come, I suddenly felt love.

That feeling happened three times for me, each time I held my newborn in my arms.

When I fell pregnant with my second child, I was a bit concerned with how I could possibly love him as much as I loved my first. I know It may sound a little horrid but I already gave all my love to one child how could my heart Love another the same. My mum told me that my heart was like an elastic band and it would accommodate as many as I wanted it to. My love will stretch but will stay the same for each child. She was right (as always) My heart and Love grew for three children and not one is loved more or less than the other. They are all unique in their own little ways, of course they have good and bad in them, but children do don;t they! I love my boys through the good and bad.

I can tell my children off and I can be really angry with them, but with one look into their eyes and I melt. I am back to day one where I was holding them for the first time in my arms, looking at them as they were a newborn. Helpless and innocent, children need to be guided to do the right thing. That’s what us as parents are here for.

I may not be in a loving relationship, I may not have the support from my partner but each day I live for my children. The love that I receive from them is what gets me through my day.

No matter what age my boys are, they will always be my babies.

 

instant love

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Two going on Teen

Time goes by too fast when you have children, one moment they are tiny little helpless babies who need your help every second of the day, then comes the toddler age when they are becoming more independent and want to try out everything by themselves and then it’s not long before you are waving them goodbye at the front door as they head off to their new senior school, not relying on you for much and lastly they are teenagers, when all they want to do is sleep, answer back and think that they are older than what they are.

In just under 4 weeks Oliver will be turning three years old but he acts more like a teenager.

He’s got the Kevin mannerisms spot on, minus the rudeness and abuse!

When Oliver gets told off and his shoulders sink towards the floor, arms fling from side to side, his bottom lip pokes out further than his feet, he lowers his head and shouts ‘That’s not fair!’

It’s quite funny to watch but obviously I don’t show him hilariously silly he looks as he may start to think that it’s ok to act this way. He can stay sulking for ages, swinging his arms around, walking up and down, stamping his feet and mumbling away to himself. Most of the time he will act like this if he doesn’t get his own way, which can happen quite a few times a day, but others times it happens when he is told off or when his brothers don’t let him join in with what they are doing.

Another thing is that Oliver loves his sleep, he will lay in his bed all morning if he was left to his own devices. It’s highly impossible to wake him in the morning without him pulling up his covers over his head, telling me to leave him alone as its still dark.

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I can pull the covers away from him and all he will do is get up, grab it from me, lay back down on the mattress and pull it back up over him. It can take him a good 10 minutes to wake up properly and if i try to take him from his bed when he isn’t fully awake he will sill just strop all morning, refusing to eat his breakfast and fight with me when i am trying to get him washed and dressed.

Oliver knows what he wants to wear as well! He will turn his head away from clothes that he doesn’t want to wear only co-operating with me if i dress him in the clothes that he chooses, even down to his underpants! We don’t bother if it doesn’t match especially at 7:45 in the morning when i have to be leaving the house in 15 minutes time to get to work. Oliver likes his sleep that much that he still has an afternoon nap of around 1-2 hours, if he doesn’t get his rest then he can be really crabby and rather impossible to cope with.

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Oliver won’t go to sleep early neither, his brothers have a set bedtime at 8pm (sometimes later if they have after school clubs or are on school holidays) but Oliver thinks that he can just go to sleep when ever he wants to, mostly when i attire.

I am hoping when Oliver turns 3 he would have passed the teens stage and turned into a lovely little boy who never strops, never argues back and doesn’t mind spending the day away sleeping, Who am i kidding????

Thank you for reading my post 🙂

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Goodbye Nappies……Hello Underpants

He’s only gone and done it!

After my last post about how hard i was finding it to potty train Oliver, he has decided himself to grab the bull by the horns and go for it, not only has he been dry for the past two weeks during the day but he has also been dry throughout the night too!

I’m so proud of my little boy, I really thought we wouldn’t be able to be dry by the time he started nursery. He was being very lazy when he was wearing underpants and would almost always wet himself in them, I think I was changing him about 3 times in one hour on some days. We still use a nappy for night time but they have been dry, he is even waking me up in the middle of night asking for me to take him to the toilet.

A few weeks ago It seemed like the days of not washing out wet clothes was never going to end! During the week, I used to drop Oliver off at his childminders in the morning wearing his underpants with a liner in them and when I picked him up at the end of the day the childminder would always hand over a bag full of wet clothes, telling me that he had an accident and she had to put him into a nappy because he had run out of spare clothes to wear. At the weekend, we used to have the odd accident when he had a nap but I would constantly ask him if he wanted to use the potty but we still had a few accidents, where he was just too lazy to pull down his trousers and pants and go on the potty. He never even used to tell me that he wet himself either, I would only find out once i picked him up or noticed that suspicious wet mark around the groin area.

During the February half term, I decided as I was off work that it would be the best time to just go for it! No more nappies! As soon as Oliver woke up I would put him on the toilet, then I would get him dressed into clothes that he chose, especially his own choice of underpants. The rest of the day I asked him every half hour if he wanted to use the toilet, he soon got used to the idea of using the toilet and soon began to unlike the feeling of walking around in wet underpants. We spent a few days away in a hotel and at Nannies house and we forgot to take the potty, so now Oliver has got used to using the toilet like the rest of us, he won’t even sit on the potty no more.

Oliver now asks to use the toilet when we are out and about, during the night and just before bedtime, it has now become a routine for him rather than weeing in his nappy.

We carry a bag that Oliver packs himself, inside it are 3 pairs of underpants, spare trousers, socks, wipes and some dry like me liners. The bag goes everywhere with him, to the childminders, to the park, to the shops and it even goes into the car if we are going for a drive.

I am no longer picking Oliver up from his childminders and receiving a parcel of wet clothes and my washing pile has gone tenfold, now I can buy a new carpet that was promised to me, by Paul, once Oliver was dry 🙂

Thank you for reading my post 🙂

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The Mummy Tag

Just like the next person I am quite a nosy person and love to read about other peoples lives and what they do and don’t like, especially other mummies. I like to read for advice and to see if all other Mummies are how they are perceived in magazines or if they are exhausted like me!

I was tagged by farfromhomemama in The Mummy Tag, a tag which is all about ME! I have to answer 20 questions all about being a mummy

1. Are you a stay at home mum or a working mum?

I have three children and for the past two years I have been a working Mum. I work as a Teaching Assistant in a primary School, which I love and I also get all of the school holidays off to spend with the children. I do hate that I have missed doing a lot with Oliver during his first years, like the mother and toddler groups and spending lazy days at home with him

2. Would you have it any other way?

No! As much as i love my boys and would like to spend every minute of their waking day with them, it is good for us all to have time away from each other

3. Do you co-sleep?

I can not count the amount of times when i was breast feeding that I fell asleep with babe in arms whilst laying down in bed, but I never intentionally laid them down next to me in bed to fall asleep. Oliver, my youngest, has gone through a stage, since last summer he has used my hair as his comforter and falls asleep next to me in bed, but he is always placed into his bed before his dad or I fall asleep.

4. What is your one must-have item for your baby?

My changing bag. I bought a Pink Lining Yummy Mummy one when Oliver was 2 months old and I still use it now, It’s like a miniature suitcase. I love all the different compartments that you get in it and the designs is so cute.

5. How many kids do you plan on having?

I never planned on having any children, but i was blessed with three handsome young gentlemen, So I think that is where I will stop. So many people have asked me if I will try for girl but three children is enough for me, they keep me very busy.

6. Date nights. How many do you have per month?

We have only ever had 1 date night since having the children and that included in us staying over night in a hotel in London. It’s not easy finding a babysitter to watch three very energetic boys in their own home.

7. Your child’s favourite show?

My youngest loves Thomas the Tank Engine and Peppa Pig and the other two boys like to watch Dragon Ballz

8. Name one thing you bought before the baby but never ended up using?

I bought a dummy but the boys never took to them so they never used it.

9. Your child’s favourite food?

The boys love pasta! Jak the eldest likes sushi, Joseph the middle boy likes noodles and Oliver the youngest likes pasta in tomato sauce

10. How many cars does your family have?

We have two cars, one is Paul’s work van and the other, a galaxy, is the family car. We need a big car to fit us all in lol

11. Weight gain – before pregnancy, during, after and now?

I am quite lucky with my weight, I never weighed much different before when i was first pregnant to now. After giving birth to my second son in hospital, I remember walking into the day room to collect my dinner but the nurses wouldn’t give me any food as they didn’t believe that i was patient, my baby belly had gone flat, The nurse told me i had  strong tummy muscles.

12. Dream holiday with your kids?

It’s got to be Disneyland, the boys, like all children, watch the TV ads and shout out at me once it’s finished “I want to go there Mum!” Paul went when he was in his early twenties and said that he didn’t really enjoy it back then, but I’m sure with three excited boys it will never be boring.

13. Dream holiday without your kids?

I have always wanted to go to Italy, it looks all dreamy in pictures. I would like to stay by the lakes, taking in the beautiful scenery of the lake with the mountains as the backdrop, I would then like to move on to Milan and Rome and finally finishing off in the south on the Amalfi Coast.

14. How has your life changed since having kids?

Well of coarse I have settled down a lot, no more last minute visits to the pubs, no more Friday nights out on the town and No more sleeping in past 9 in the morning, but that said I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life has changed for the better, I have realised who I am. I live my life for my boys and not for me anymore, I have had a complete change in career where now I work with children and not adults.

15. Finish the sentence, ‘it makes my heart melt when …’.

I look at my boys. Just one smile from there mouths, one touch from there little hands and 3 little words that they say melts me. I have never felt love nor pride like it before.

16. Where do you shop for your kids?

I buy my boys clothes mostly from H&M, Next and sport shops (now that the elder two enjoy athletics)

 17. Favourite make up and skincare products?

I don’t really where that much make up and my skin is quite sensitive so I am quite fussy with what I use. I buy a lot of skincare creams from L’Occiataine and my makeup is MAC

18. Huggies or Pampers?

Pampers all the way.

19. Have you always wanted kids?

Nope. I didn’t want any children, but I was blessed with 3 adorable handsome young men.

20. Best part of being a mum?

Has got to be the Love that you get from your children and also the cuddles that are on tap, My days are never dull or boring.

Now to tag three other Mummies to join in on the Mummy Tag:

 

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Secondary school allocation date looms

On March 3rd, Myself and many other parents will find out what secondary school our children would have been allocated to start Year 7 in September 2014.

Am I Nervous? YES

Am I Worried? YES

Do I think i may have made a mistake? YES

All 6 choices of schools that was placed down onto the common application were made by Jak and myself, after visiting the schools on their open evenings, researching the schools, reading ofsted reports and talking to other parents who have been in the same situation before.

Our local Comprehensive school is within walking distance to our house, at 0.6 miles away we are definitely in the catchment for it. It is an over subscribed school but is larger than average senior schools, the number of students have dramatically increased over the recent years pushing them up to a yearly admissions of 360 pupils. It has expanded it’s intake from being a 10 forms on entry to 12. The school was judged ‘outstanding’ by Ofsted in 2013 and has just had a £26 million pound rebuild.

I can not lie that it’s facilities are not good, but I was not really impressed with the open evening. We was herded around the buildings in groups and their wasn’t many teachers or other school children around to answer our questions, I noticed that some of the glass in two doors were smashed and I didn’t get the homely feel a school give. Jak said that he didn’t feel very comfortable whilst walking around and wasn’t sure that it was the school for him. We missed one of the big talks on the hall given by the head master, but we was lucky to bump into him on the way out and he sat down with us to answer some of our questions. He emphasized quite a bit on how they were now an outstanding school and he told us that the school has no mixed ability classes, all children take tests as they enter the school so that they can be placed into classes with other children of similar abilities. There are three ability bands and all classes are with the same students, this was teachers can develop every child at the right place. High ability children can also be moved a year up if they work at a considerably higher level than others.

I wasn’t quite sure that I wanted my son to be placed into the same ability groups, shouldn’t he be mixing with all children? I understand that high ability children can move on ahead very quickly this way but doesn’t this also make them a target to the bullies of the school who are jealous of their ability!

With that said we decided to look out of the borough for a school and heard from Jak’s drama teacher about a school, that is 5 miles away, were holding auditions for children who were talented in dance, drama or dance to try for a place in the school.

The audition was to comprise of aptitude tests in one of the disciplines of music, drama or dance. We filled out the application form and was given an audition date. Jak chose to audition in drama, he thought it went well but we wouldn’t hear anything for a week. All children who auditioned were to be sent a letter with a place on where they come in their chosen discipline, five places are allocated to each of the disciplines with two remaining allocated to the next best students from any of the three. Jak came 5th in drama and 2nd overall!

When the pupils are in the School the courses open to them will be those open to all pupils of the School, though it is expected that such pupils will continue with their extra-curricular Arts studies throughout their period at the School.

After quite a few gruelling weeks back in October, Jak and I decided on his top 6 choices of schools. I let Jak make the decision but obviously if I really thought it was the wrong one I wouldn’t let him make the wrong choice. Jak chose the performing art school as his first choice, he doesn’t know anyone that goes there and as it is in a different borough he doesn’t even know the surrounding area. His heart lies with performing arts and I have to let him follow his heart, don’t I? Or doI? I am so confused!

I have mixed feelings about the chosen schools, I really wanted him to go to my old school, but we are not within the catchment area and our local school there are children there that Jak was bullied by when they were at his primary school. I didn’t want him to start a new school being bullied on the first day by children who previously bullied him, but most of class mates have put this school down as their first choice so he will not be with them. If he does get the school out of the borough then he will not know anyone and it means that it will be a 45 minute bus and train journey away.

I just Monday over with! I need to know if I have an appeal on my hands or if he gets a really bad school wether or not I will be home schooling him until a place in a school that we want comes available.

So tonight i will finish my bottle of wine and hope that I will get a good nights sleep, as Sunday night I will be too nervous to have a peaceful sleep. I just hope we haven’t made the wrong decision! Being a parent is such a worry!

Is anyone else in the same situation at the moment? How are you feeling?

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I’m going Potty

For the past few months we have been potty training Oliver, he is now 2 and a half years old and will be starting Nursery in September so he needs to be out of nappies by then. Oliver knows how to use a potty and has done since he was a year old but has become too dependant on wearing a nappy.

When he isn’t wearing a nappy or any underpants then he is perfect at using the potty but when he is wearing something then he will not ask to use the potty, he has become lazy and will just use the nappy. My other two children were dry by the time they were 2, maybe it’s because I am now in full time work and am not at home during the week days to get him into some sort of routine, but whatever the reason we now need to buckle down and get him used to asking for the potty when he is wearing his clothes.

He has a potty at his childminders house and whenever we are indoors we take off his clothes so he doesn’t need to take down his pants and he doesn’t even have to ask for a toilet as he can just go off upstairs to where his potty is kept and use it. He has become very good with using it this way but I now need to get him wearing underpants and to asking when he wants to go.

What we have done so far:

  • Bought two potties, one for upstairs and one for down stairs
  • Praise him for whenever he uses the potty
  • Given him stickers
  • Encourage him to go first thing in the morning and whenever he has a drink
  • Bought Dry Like Me pads to line his underpants (absorbent gusset shaped liners)
  • Let him chose his underwear (he particularly likes Thomas the Tank engine ones)
  • Cut down on his Milk so he’s not drinking so much of an evening and first thing in the morning
  • Bought him a special bag that he can carry on his back which we put his nappies into so he carries them himself
  • Take a spare set of clothes with us everywhere for those little accidents
  • Use Mio Bambino reusable training nappies for indoors and on short journeys
  • Use pull up pants when on long journeys
  • A potty at the childminders for him to use
  • Encourage him to get himself undressed, so that he can get used to pulling down his trousers and pants

These are all things that i have done with other two children, but with Oliver it seems that the process of potty training is going on a bit longer! I introduced a potty to Oliver at a young age and he has always been interested in using it, but sometimes he screams to be able to wear a nappy.

As I sit and write this, Oliver has just stopped playing on his tablet and ran over to his potty saying “I need my potty!” He does this independently quite often, more and more each day, but it’s getting him to take off his pants to do this when he is wearing his clothes.

Any ideas on how to progress in his potty training would be appreciative, thank you.

Hopefully my next potty training post would be a completely dry post 🙂

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