My Unconditional Love

When I found out I was pregnant with all three of my boys, I never had that instant feeling of love for them. It sounds wrong doesn’t it? It wasn’t until I felt that first little flutter in my tummy (that could have easily been passed for wind) that I wanted to protect them. As the boys grew and my tummy started to expand I began to feel and see their little feet and hands pushing against my skin, I knew then that the love I had for them was unconditional. I knew that no-one would come even close to the love I had for them. A parents love and need for their children is strong.

The first time I held my boys and looked into there eyes, I only felt love. I didn’t want to let them go, put them down or leave them with anyone. I wanted to cherish as much of them as possible. I was selfish in a way, as I didn’t want anyone else to be with them. They were mine, all mine. I breathed in their sweet sweaty smell of their skin, I stroked their cute little wrinkled face, I watched as they wrapped their tiny little fingers around mine, I felt their tiny heart beat against my skin and I held them tight. As tight as I could. Motherly love instantly kicking in. No time for tiredness just time for them.

Since giving birth to my first son some 13 years ago, I havent really left them with anyone. My life changed. I became a stay at home Mum and spent my days hugging and holding my boys. It’s not that I don’t trust anyone with them but I need to be near them, I need to be close to them. I am their protector, their guide through life. We do everything together, obviously they do their own things with friends but when they are at home we are always together.

My boys are certainly Mummy boys. Where ever I go they go too. I can’t even go to the toilet without them waiting outside of the door for me. It’s me who they confide in when having troubles at school or with friends. It’s me who they come to when they are upset. It’s me who they cry for when they are hurt. It’s me who kisses all their hurt away. It’s me who they sit and watch TV with and cuddle up to on the sofa. Dad is around but it has always been Mummy. My fault entirely for being over protective of them. But I wouldn’t change it. They are independent boys, they don’t need me for anything but I am always near by if and when they need me.

From the first moment I held my boys to now my love has not faltered. I have the same fluttery feeling, my heart aches and I get a lump in my throat.

As I have said before, my boys are my life. They are the reason why I fight every day. They are the reason why I am so strong. They are the reason why I have hope.

Recently with the bad news that I received, my heart ripped in two. I know it sounds weird but I felt it. My heart ached. It pained. It was hard to breathe. My throat was dry. My boys showed me that Love will conquer. Love is strong. My heart is nothing without them. The love I receive from them is full on, mighty and energetic.

We are a team.

My love may be unconditional for them but It certainly isn’t blinded by their behaviour. My boys are no saints. They fight, shout, scream, their lazy and messy. They can push me to the limit and I may shout at them but we all know that this is part of growing up, they know that I love them and I only want the best for them.

I love how my eldest has a strong passion for running and swimming. He is caring and thoughtful. He is very clever, being a member of mensa at the age of 11. His brain is like a sponge and when he talks its like he has swallowed a dictionary/thesaurus.

I love the middle ones sensitivity. He is very caring and loving. He loves his lego and has a creative imagination. He loves to spend time with family and be close to them. He is witty and charming.

I love the shear strength of the youngest. He is strong willed and very determined. I can see him being very clever when he is older but hopefully not get side tracked by peers. He is loving and bubbly. He is shy but also determined.

All three of them put their heart into everything and always want to achieve at their utmost.

All three are my unconditional love.

 

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1…2…3…!

There are many of parents out there that would understand what I mean by 1…2…3…! No I’m not learning to read! No I’m not playing hide and seek with you! It’s the adult warning count for getting a child to do the right thing.

I’ve never really had to use the warning with my eldest two children but it’s used daily with my youngest, especially in the morning time. I just can’t get him to move. And he knows how to push the boundaries.

As I am a working Mum, I get the boys up an hour before we have to leave the house. This is enough time to have breakfast, have a wash and get dressed. My youngest is not a morning child, never has been. We have to leave the house at 7:50 in order to get to breakfast club before it closes, So I wake them up at 6:55. I know that this is early and it can be a struggle for anyone to be up that early. The youngest one I have to use extra encouragement, to get him out of bed. This normally consists of me carrying him downstairs on my back or me teasing him with the morning coffee breath (which can’t be nice for anyone to smell, lol). Once downstairs, I let him choose his breakfast, I then go and get his school clothes and when he is ready I get him dressed, A quick as possible as this helps with the struggles. Although, it isn’t normally the breakfast and getting dressed that is the problem . It’s the getting the shoes and coat on that he will just sit down and refuse point blankly in doing so. It’s at this point that I use the 1..2..3 usually along with something like ” I’m going to count to the number 3 and if you haven’t begun to make a move by the time I get to 3 then I will have to come and do it for you and Mummy will be sad” By the time I get to 2 he is beginning to make a change. He knows what the right choice is and he knows that he must do this in order to get a reward. I often tell him that if he makes the right choice then he can choose an activity to do after school.

I always praise his good times, if he is doing something well that he doesn’t normally do I like to tell him how proud I am of him and that I can see that he is growing into a big boy.

Too much negativity isn’t good! I also don’t like to tell him that he is being naughty.

So along with the 1..2..3 warning count I have printed off a reward system for him.

DSC_3364_opt

If he gets himself ready in the morning and doesn’t put up a struggle with me when it comes to getting his shoes and coat on then he will receive a sticker that he can wear and he can move his pirate along to the next number. When he reaches to the number 10 then he will get an extra reward, something that is his choice, something that he will want to work towards. This could be baking cupcakes, playing with play dough or a trip to the park.

DSC_3363_optWe have trialed the reward chart this weekend and it has worked so far! We haven’t had any tantrums, no throwing himself onto the floor, no hitting out at us and no screaming! He keeps talking about the chart and when he does something that is good he asks if he can move his pirate along the path. Although, I have noticed that he has miraculously jumped from 2 to 5, I think a certain little boy is moving himself along without being told to. Cheeky.

I found the chart by doing an online search for a downloadable reward chart and printed it off. This particular one is from supernanny. It always helps to make sure that the chart is of an interest to your child. Once printed, I laminated it and stuck it to the door in the kitchen. He also has a smaller version up in his bedroom, hoping that he will see it when he awakes and remind him of his reward.

Do you use behavioural management at home? What works for you?

Thank you for reading 🙂

 

 

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