A Letter To My 14yr Old Son

Dear Son

When I found out that I was pregnant with you, it was quite a shock! I doubted myself and my ability to look after you. Even though I was 24, I thought that I was still to young to have children. I didn’t want to fail you as a parent and was worried that I wouldn’t be able to take on the responsibility if looking after a young baby.

As soon as I began to feel you move around inside of my tummy my love for you began to grow, you was mine – all mine.

The day you was born, my life changed.

The moment you came into this world you brought an ache into my heart that I had never experienced before, a love that was so strong it brought to tears to my eyes and a pain in my chest. You taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

You was a mummy’s boy and I was your biggest supporter. With every milestone that you reached; crawling, first steps, first word, first pee on the potty, I reveled in euphoria.

You was such a clever little boy. At 2 years old you showed an interest in cars and used to point out to me all the makes of them as they passed by. I had no idea where you had learned it from as I didn’t drive and had no understanding of them myself. I remember sitting on a bus one day; you was looking out of the window and was pointing out the cars as they passed us, saying their names and getting quite excited. The other passengers were laughing and encouraging you by asking you what the next car was. You knew them all!

You have, to this day, a presence about you that leaves people in awe. Such confidence in yourself, no matter what it is you try you will always put everything into it.

I sometimes wish that you were still that little intrigued boy. I often miss him, thinking about what you were like as a small boy. The way you used to line up your cars in colours, sizes and models. How we could never pass by a Bob the Builder ride that was outside the supermarket because you would shout to have a go on it. When you used to come in to my room at night and sneak into my side of the bed for a cuddle. And, you was always full of energy, running around I circles in the living room because you wouldn’t give in to your tiredness.

You was such a caring, thoughtful young boy – Still are!

You filled my days with such pure delight

Over the past 14 years I have watched you grow from a young boy into a young man. You are still caring and thoughtful. You have learnt so much but there is so much more for you to learn now as an adult. Life is a continuous journey and I am so glad that I am a part of yours. You have hopes and dreams and aspirations. Their will be challenges but I have confidence in you that you will overcome them, you will make mistakes, as everyone does, but remember, that is how we learn. You will have times of contentment and times of sadness, life has its ups and downs. You are a strong boy who will overcome them all.

This past year has been a tough one for us all, you have shown such maturity and your attitude towards my illness has been a positive one. If anyone could be optimistic about their mum having cancer its you! You tell everyone that my illness has taught you how to grow up, how to fend for yourself and how to be positive.

You have taught yourself to cook and to look after your siblings. Your attitude towards it all has been a positive one. Giving me support and showing me that you are much more to me than just my son. You are my friend.

You are an incredible, unique boy and I want you to know what an amazing young man you have turned out to be.

There were days when I was in hospital, when I woke, to find you sitting by my bedside holding on to my hand and stroking my head. You are such a caring boy. Full of love and compassion.

You have such a bright future ahead of you and I trust that you will accomplish anything you set out to do. You have a drive to succeed. You are your own person, have your own interests, thought and opinions and are not afraid of showing who you are to others. You are clever and very knowledgeable. I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed.

Follow your heart, hopes and dreams and become the man whom I know you will turn out to be. Be yourself and accomplish great things.

I am who I am because of you. I love you dearly

Your forever loving Mum

 

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A letter to my loved ones, part 1

To my first born

You are my eldest boy and at 9 years old sometimes I forget how young you are because of your maturity and at times you act so grown up.
You are such a loving, caring, sensitive boy who loves to have a cuddle and is not afraid to show affection. You are the best big brother anyone could ask for and take on that role brilliantly and perfectly. I feel sorry for you as I rely on you too much, I am always asking you to look after your brothers, help tidy up their mess and help feed them too. Its become the norm for you to get your little brother a drink at dinner time and get him dressed for school in the morning that now you do it without asking. You have never argued with me or answered me back and you always trying to do your best at pleasing me.
The first time I saw you, I couldn’t believe that I had produced such perfection, you took my breath away. I had this sudden rush of love for you, a love that I had never experienced before. I just wanted to hold you close to me all the time and protect you, I was worried that somehow you would be taken from me. Holding you in my arms was the best moment ever, I felt warm and needed, like I eventually had a purpose in life.
You had big blue eyes, a little button nose and black hair with little curls, you was so gorgeous.
You was so perfect, so tiny, so fragile I just couldn’t believe that you was mine. My heart ached with the love I had for you.
You never liked to sleep and kept us awake all night long, fighting your tiredness, running round in circles until eventually you would scream yourself to sleep. You never slept much throughout the day either, you was very knowing and loved getting attention from everyone, you would give your biggest smile to anyone that looked at you, the smile that melted my heart.
You loved your food, once you tasted it their was no stopping you, a Jaffa cake being your favourite you could fit a whole one in your mouth.
By the age of 2 1/2 you knew most of the model of cars there was just but looking at the logos. You would sit on the bus or in the car and recite every car that went by. You loved your cars, any cars would do. You would sit on the floor and line them all up in order of colour and size and model. I would sit and watch in amazement, once I moved one without you knowing just to see what your reaction would be, you knew straight away that something was wrong and you placed the car back in it’s rightful place.
I always knew you was going to be clever.
You bring happiness to everyone who knows you, their is not a bad bone in your little body. You will do anything for anyone, a truly remarkable boy, an inspiration to me and many others.
Your little brothers look up to you. You always have time for them, playing, cuddling, and reading with them and mummy, well I love you so much, I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are why I wake up in the morning, why I breathe and you fill my days with love and laughter.
I love you with all my heart and I am very proud of you, I know you are going to grow up to be such a handsome, caring man just as you are a boy.
Love Mummy x x

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