LOVE…

As a young girl at the age 13 i thought i knew what love was, what it was like to love someone. I used to have a big thing for Ryan Giggs and watched everything i could that he was on, I had a poster of him tacked to my bedroom wall just by my bedside so it was the first thing i would see when i woke up, I carried a picture of him in my purse and even became a huge Manchester united fan. I adored the man, thought he was very sexy and gushed and smiled everytime i saw him on television or in magazines. I used to believe that i loved him but now understand that it was just a crush. Once i was in my late teens I had my fair share of boyfriends and dates but never had that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling of tummy flips and the misses of a heart beat when i saw someone, then i met my partner of whom i fell for, he made me smile and laugh, we used to stay up all night long just talking and laughing and generally enjoying each others company. When he went to work i used to miss his company, I enjoyed visiting new places and seeing new things with him, I wouldn’t say that i had an instant love for him but there was something there that just grew and grew. After months of dating, I fell in love with him. I wanted to care for him, cook him hearty meals and spend all my time with him, he made me feel comfortable and made me legs go all wobbly. I had experienced lust when i was younger and now was experiencing falling in love with someone but i never quite understood people when they said they had an instant love for someone. I loved my parents and siblings but this was something that i can never remember just happening, it was a feeling that i had grown up with, until the 04 September 2002! This was the day that my eldest son Jak was born and the moment that i saw him all scrunched up and wrinkly, something hit me BAM right in the heart. LOVE! INSTANT LOVE! Now i knew what love was, this tiny little thing that was in my arms. I wanted to cherish him, hold him forever, protect him and care for him, my heart ached everytime i looked at him, my throat went dry, i found it hard to swallow and when he looks at me i can not see clearly as my eyes well up with tears, tears of happiness. I never thought i could love anyone as much as i loved this little boy but then on the 1st July 2007 Joseph was born and again that instant love was there, BAM. I had feared that i wouldn’t be able to love him the same as Jak, i feared that my love wouldn’t be able to stretch to two children but i was wrong it only grew and my love for both my boys got stronger, I didn’t love one more than the other nor did i prefer one over the other one, they were both my boys and my love was the same. So when i fell pregnant for the third time, I knew what to expect, I knew that my love would just grow to cover three children and on the 21st July 2011 for the third time in my life, I received an arrow in my heart and looking down at my baby i felt that instant love that i felt previously with my other two boys. My love is an elastic that has stretched and expanded to cope with my three boys. Every day i thank god for sending me my perfect boys, every day when i wake up to a smile beaming from the cot, my heart aches and my breath stops, every day that my Joseph gives me my morning cuddle my breath stops and i struggle to breathe, every day that my Jak kisses me at the school gates my breath stops and i have a tear in my eye.

I have experienced a personal attraction in my partner of which is a romantic love, it may increase my heart rate and give me an intense feeling of excitement but the love i have experienced for my children is different its is unconditional and gives me a sense of security. I love them for who they are and who they will be, I want to protect them and keep them close. They make me smile, laugh and cry and they make me feel special, I love every tiny bit of them.

To Jak, Joseph and Oliver my three boys, I love you all the world and back again.

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