A hand that holds my heart – A mothers love

16 years and 7 months ago, I held a tiny little helpless hand in mine and vowed to myself that I would be the best Mum that I could be for him.

That first touch taught me what love really was. In an instant I knew I had an unconditional love, a love that was so pure and strong.

A sudden overwhelming urge of protectiveness.

He was so fragile and innocent. I wanted to hold his hand forever. As his little fingers curled around my finger, me heart swelled. His grip was not only on my finger but onto my heart too.

For the first few months he relied on me – to feed, change and move him around but he soon began to do things for himself. Like other babies, he learned to roll, crawl, walk, talk and play.

As he has grown up he has become such a wonderful young man; a joy to be around. Always there for me and his siblings when needed, always by my side. As his siblings were born, he just moved aside for them always knowing that Mummy still loved him. That Mummies love was just growing and expanding but never getting less. He filled my days with joy and delight and has given me the strength to get through bad days.

His hand may have grown considerably over the years but one thing is for sure and that is the unconditional love is still there. He has become wiser and stronger, more than I could have ever imagined him to be.

A man now stands where a boy used to be. I may no longer carry him in my arms and his little fingers may not cling to my hand but I still carry him in my heart. He has given me so many reasons to be proud of him.

Three years ago, he held my hand and told me to be strong.

The tables changed and I was the one that relied on him – he looked after me; feeding and caring for me.

I remember waking up in hospital after having an operation to remove a tumour and feeling the warmth of his hand in mine. I felt so calm and overwhelmed with how much love this boy had for me.

I felt safe.

I’m strong again now but he still holds my hand. I now have not only a son but a friend too!

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